I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
