question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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