I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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