matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
