She went from zero to smokin in five shots
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
