he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
how does that bad decision feel?
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