Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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