Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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