I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
