i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
