we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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