I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
