I want to make a zoo with you.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize