Redeem this text for a blowjob
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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