she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
