Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
My ATM looks so different sober.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
