so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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