When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
