i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
