if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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