I wish i was in the wii world.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
