puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
