i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
