Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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