She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
