I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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