I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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