She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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