lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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