You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
