that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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