I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
