The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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