Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I wanna passion pit in your ass
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Randomize
