My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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