For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
40s are totally the cure
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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