He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
