singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She's the barista slut.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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