I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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