Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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