She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
