Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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