Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
