I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Is Oprah even human
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
