Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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