you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
