After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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