Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
