was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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