At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
