I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
