Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Randomize
