So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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