She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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