roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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