I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Randomize
