Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
