Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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