I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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