someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
