She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
