we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
