After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
