all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
