i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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