so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
