but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It's shark week go big or go home
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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