So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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