i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
