Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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