if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
