My nipple is on Facebook.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
