also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
