belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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