allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
