if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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