its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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