God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
