I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
