never play flip cup with pint glasses
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
