This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
